Growing pains minus Kirk Cameron

This question was stolen from dear Abby, the response is mine alone.

Dear Abby:

My daughter, "Chris," is 14. She'll be graduating from eighth grade in a couple of weeks. Over the last few months, I have been driving her and a group of boys and girls to the movies on Friday nights. This has evolved into a romantic relationship with a 15-year-old boy, "Bob," who lives close by and is in her class. In her junior high school, this is described as "going out."

I know they kiss. They also dance together at a local hangout on Saturday nights. I could refuse to drive them to the movies together, but they would probably meet there anyway.

Chris has a level head on her shoulders. She's a good girl and active in our church. We talk openly together.

Abby, can you guide me in this? I trust my daughter, but I am also aware that 14- and 15-year-olds have a lot of raging hormones. Please advise.

-- WISHES KIDS CAME WITH HANDBOOKS

Dear Wishes,

Why not buy a chastity belt? The worst it can do is create a hole in her self-esteem that can only be filled by grinding on a pole for strange men. I guess we should put that under “plan B”.

Your right 14-15 year olds have raging hormones. Another characteristic of that age group is they are asserting themselves in the world. If you try to separate her from boys she’ll seek them out, in secret, just out of spite. Don’t give a 15 year old boy the ammunition of making it into a dare.

At the same time you shouldn’t delude yourself. The boyfriend jerks off every morning in the shower, most likely thinking about your daughter. This is all very natural, the hormones are raging, what the hell else are they supposed to do. Kids that age talk about “touching it”, “humping”, and whatever hip term passes for blowjob these days. Nothing much you can do about it.

I think the root of your problem is you’re not ready for your daughter to be as grown up as she is becoming. If real life were TiVo things would be much simpler. You could pause, rewind, whatever you wanted. That is not an option though. I think part of what makes the teenage years so hard on parents and teens is just at the moment the parents want to hang on to the younger days the teens are sooo ready to put all of that behind them. This is one battle that the teen will win every time though because they grow up. Eventually your daughter is going to have sex. As a parent the only thing you can do is give her the self esteem to know when she is ready, the common sense to use a condom, and the confidence to enjoy herself.

I think you need to have a heart to heart with your daughter. I think you should tell her that sometimes it’s hard for you to accept how quickly she is growing up but that you are trying. You should ask her about her boyfriend, his hobbies, aspirations, that sort of thing, to show her you trust her decisions. Let her know that you are proud of the level head she has on her shoulders and while she isn’t quite and adult yet, she is far enough along that you can tell she’ll make a good one.