Sister's Sloppy Seconds

This one came from Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I had an affair with a woman I met at a local benefit. I'll call her "Desiree." As luck would have it, a few years later, Desiree would become my sister-in-law.

My wife has always been jealous of her "more attractive" sister. She reminds me of that fact every time we visit. Now Desiree is having money problems, and she's threatening to tell my wife about our "history" if I don't accommodate her needs.

My marriage is already on thin ice because I ran over my wife's dog and forgot our anniversary in the same week. What should I do? -- BLACKMAILED IN BURBANK

Dear Blackmailed,

You ran over your wife’s dog and forgot your anniversary in the same week? Suffice it to say you owe your wife something special even without having banged her sister.

Don’t cave to the blackmail. If you do, it will never end. Soon enough “Desiree” will be threatening to tell if you don’t get her a fresh glass of iced tea. Eventually the truth will come out anyway, so it would be best to make it on your terms.

When you tell you wife, do it in a way that makes her come off as the good one, and her sister as the skanky one. Play it like things with Desiree ended rather quickly, for obvious reasons (no need to insert reasons try to be big about it) and you didn’t see how that should ruin the connection you felt with your wife even in the courtship period. In short say something to the effect of “it was stupid of me not to tell you sooner. I was afraid you wouldn’t take me seriously after you found out some of the losers I dated.” Best of luck.