Cubby Grows Up

This came from Dear Margo, insecurely (you’d get that if you read her column).

DEAR MARGO: I am having a bit of an issue with something, except I don't know if it's really an issue or I'm just overreacting.

I'm 23 and married to a wonderful man, 27. We currently live in the Midwest. On his side of the family, a few people have nicknames of sorts (i.e., his grandparents are referred to as Moon and Bump, which I guess means Grandma and Grandpa in Swedish).

This is fine, but my issue is with my husband's nickname, which he's had since he was a baby. His real name is Jacob. I call him Jake, but his parents, grandparents, older sister and everyone in the family refer to him as "Cub."

Margo, he is a grown man. I find it ridiculous that his family is still calling him by his childhood name. I have talked to my husband about it in the past, and he's shrugged it off, saying that's just what they've always called him.

My husband is about to get into real estate, and with all that said, do you think I am justified in my position, or is it really just no big deal and I should let it go?

--- A ROSE IS A ROSE IS A ROSE?

Dear Rose,

Your right, in that he is a grown man, and a grown man can be called anything he finds acceptable. If they were calling him “stinkface”, or “guy married to a bitch” I could see your point, but that’s not the case.

Now on to your real problem, the reason this nickname business bugs you so much. You are his wife, and you KNOW HIM BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE, because the two of you are MARRIED. Your husband was given the nickname BEFORE YOU CAME ALONG. They know a side of him that you don’t, which is what is digging at you.

You missed out on that stage in his life, but his family of course did not. To compensate for that missing out feeling you tell yourself “well, he was a child, that part wasn’t that important.” His family of course disagrees, and tells stories that don’t include you in any way. You then get all passive aggressive and make a big deal about the nickname. In retaliation they are probably calling you a controlling bitch behind your back. By rejecting the nickname you are rejecting them, and pissing on the closeness they feel with their dear Cub. You feel the cold shoulder and get even more antsy… this is what we call a vicious cycle. Meanwhile your husband is getting the shit end of all of it.

Get over it, for the sake of your husband and non-awkward Thanksgiving dinners. It wouldn’t hurt if you sent your mother-in-law a card and thanked her for raising such a wonderful son. If you try to work with his family and not against them I think you’ll find yourself more annoyed at Bump’s flatulence than any nicknames and who knows maybe they’ll make up a cute nickname for you too.