Get Confident, Stupid!

This question came from Dear Margo. I’d love to get an email from somebody in internet land, hint, hint, nudge, nudge.

Usually I'm comfortable with my appearance and my accomplishments. I have a master's degree from an Ivy League university, a challenging job in a creative field and an above-average body, which I work out to maintain. Compared to my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, however, I feel like a schlub.

He doesn't talk about her much, but I know she was a corporate lawyer with a high position and a salary to match. Plus, she modeled on the side. I've seen photos. She's gorgeous in ways that even plastic surgery couldn't make me.

My boyfriend was the one who ended their relationship, and I know that there are reasons for its dissolution, reasons that he's with me and not her, etc. (He says I'm funnier and more down-to-earth.) But I can't help but feel insecure.

How can I stop feeling like I'm in competition with someone who's no longer even in his life? -- LACKING CONFIDENCE

Dear Lacking,

It doesn’t matter how attractive/smart/successful a person is because there is always someone more attractive/successful/smart. Comparing yourself to someone else in only these categories is self defeating because there is more to you than looks/brains/career. The ex may have had horrendous gas, she may have been bossy, or a bore, or a hundred other things that your boyfriend is too big to talk about.

The point is he is with you now, but you already know that. What you need to learn is depending on your partner for self esteem is tiring and unattractive. Yes everyone has low moments when they need a pick me up, but you seem pretty fixated on the ex. If you are following your boyfriend around asking him who has the tighter pussy, he won’t be your boyfriend for long and it won’t have anything to do with his ex. He isn’t the one comparing you to his ex-girlfriend; you are, so cut it out.