How To Ditch A Stalker

This letter came from Dear Prudence who couldn't advise her way out of a paper bag.

I am a female in my mid-20s. I moved home with my parents after finishing my degree in order to work and save for graduate school. We live next door to a single mom with eight children. She home-schools her children, with the result that the children are not very well socialized. Her eldest son is 18 year old and wanders around the neighborhood on his bicycle in various military uniforms. When asked, he claims he is in basic training for the Army, and that he is going to be a sniper. But since when does the Army allow you to do basic training at home? He has some developmental problems, few social skills (and no friends), and I fear he's delusional. The problem is this: He's decided he likes me and will wait in front of our house for me to get home. He's asked to come into our house several times, just to see the inside of the house. Needless to say, I have not let him in. Today when I went home for lunch he came around the side of the house without me seeing or hearing him until he spoke to me, and he was within a foot of me. He's young, strong, and taller than I am. I'm terrified that he's going to decide I should be his "girlfriend" and become violent when I refuse. I've seen him attack our dogs with water guns and stalk his own brothers and sisters with fake rifles from the roof of his house. I'm undecided as to what I should do. My father believes the kid is harmless, which is easy for him to say; he's not the one being followed around. My mom is as nervous as I am about him. I'd like to live to see graduate school. I'm honestly afraid that this person could become violent and hurt me, or worse. Should I talk to his mother, or take out a restraining order out against him? I'd like to resolve this in a way that won't result in war with the neighbors, but I do not want this person anywhere near me.

—Running Scared

Dear Running:

Just to end an argument between your parents the kid is nuts. Your dad is just thinking of all the stupid stuff he did to get girls attention when he was 18. He thinks this kid is just doing the same thing, and your dad thinks since he was harmless that this kid must be harmless as well. What your father doesn’t realize is that this kid is not taking your hints to back off.

If you want your kid to be a nut, be sure to home school them. Not that all kids in public or private schools are sane, but they do have a better chance at seeing how others live. It’s a way to escape the crazy of our parents and create a crazy all our own. Kids who are home schooled think their parent’s idiosyncrasies are normal, so it’s a crazy double whammy.

You are in a difficult situation. Luckily for you the crazies all seem to like me too, so I have some good advice. Don’t bother with a restraining order. Assuming you could even get one granted (of which I doubt) it may just add fuel to the fire. Stalkers tend to like any sort of attention they can get. Negative attention works just as well as positive attention. Your new goal is to give this guy no attention. If you see him try not to act scared or even concerned, a stalker will turn things like that around in his head until you were nervous to be talking to him because of your overwhelming attraction towards him. Similarly, if you give him negative attention; for example, spraying him with mace, he will turn it around in his head until he thinks you are smitten with him but aliens are forcing you to push him away for his own good or something. When he waits for you to get home from work put your cell phone to your ear and walk on by talking your head off. If he is in your way say excuse me and brush past.

The rest of this is going to put a cramp in your style but it’s probably worth it in the long run. Take a peek outside before you go out and look for the little weirdo doing water gun patrol or whatever before you go out the door. Don’t spend time in the yard, or outside around the neighborhood if you can help it. If you’re into jogging or something make sure to wear a set of headphones even if they don’t work to give yourself an excuse to ignore the little freak. When you go to hang out with your friends make sure your mom knows about when you expect to be home. I know you aren’t a teenager anymore but it makes sense that you keep someone in your house updated on things like that for your own peace of mind as well as your mom’s. If the creepy little fucker sneaks up on you as soon as you go out the door try not to act scared or concerned. Don’t even look at him until he says hi then just say hi back and find an excuse to leave. Whenever he tries to engage you in a conversation say you’re busy and keep going the way you were. If he does make an actual threat you’ve got your restraining order but hopefully you won’t need it. I doubt a restraining order would work any better than saying “stay away from me you creepy fuck” but it is prosecutable if it is broken. It’s hard to tell how long he’ll spend pining. Most eighteen year olds don’t have much in the way of an attention span, so that’s good news for you. The worst case scenario is you have to ride this out until graduate school starts, but I doubt it will continue on that long.