Early Mother's Day Survival Guide

This question came from "Dear Abby".

How does one respectfully decline being included in a will which your mother holds over you? I would like not to be included, but I would also like to come across as sincere and respectful without causing more animosity. -- WANTS TO OPT OUT IN COLORADO

You say “I don’t want your stupid moo-moos you old bat”. Oh wait, you want respectful, that’s a bit tougher.

Obviously it isn’t really the stuff in the will that’s bothering you; it’s the “holds over you” part. You could just give the stuff away if the problem was about the stuff. The truth is your mother isn’t holding the will over your head so much as the; I’m-gonna-die-soon-card. Even if you found a respectful way to say I don’t want your crap you would still have the death thing held over your head.

Your mother is fishing for something, even though she is doing it in a manipulative way you may as well try to throw her a bone and see if that shuts her up for awhile. Say something like “mom, it makes me sad to think about your will. It’s a reminder that someday I may have to go on without you.” Look down at the floor at this part for a second or two then look up and say “Right now can we just enjoy each other’s company?” Don’t mention dieing, death, or cancer, that’s just a license for hysterics. Also, emphasize the word enjoy a little but not obviously it should put her in a good I-want-to-entertain-my-adult-kid mood unless you over do it. If you over do it well, then she’ll go off about how you don’t enjoy her company. Practice the little speech and err on the no emphasis side.

Realize that this is a temporary fix. People who fish for complements like this don’t just stop once they get a compliment. The compliment just shuts them up for awhile, often that is reward enough. A “just because” hallmark card may be an easy way to dish out compliments without a lot of creativity or effort. Yeah, you might feel like a momma’s little angel dick-wad but if a drama free Mother's Day is ever going to happen it will take some effort.