Bisexual Boys Gone Wild

This came from Dear Margo.

DEAR MARGO: I've been living with a guy for nine months, and it's fair to say I am the nosy type. Past relationships have made me not trust anyone.

My guy and I are very serious and discussing marriage. But every time he's gone, I snoop, and if you look, you shall find. Seven months into the relationship, I am looking at his online chat logs. I am reading a conversation between him and a female when he tells this person to start talking to him on his other IM account, one I never knew he had.

Well, he has another account where it says he is a cross-dresser and bisexual. I am very confused at this point because this is the man I want to marry. I look through his logs and e-mails and find that he's been talking to other men and women about meeting with them to have sex. He also has an online friend (female) who knows all about his "other life."

So I contact this woman, and she sends me all the conversations they'd had. He talks about how he loves me, hasn't cheated on me yet, but wants to have sex with men. I begin to freak out thinking the man I love is gay. So I confront him, and he tells me that he has been in four sexual relationships with males, just out of curiosity. This all happened before he met me, so then he decided he wasn't gay.

He has started counseling, doesn't use the computer anymore, and is doing everything he can to prove that he loves me and wants to be with me. So I guess my question is, what do I do? I love him, but I am not sexually attracted to him anymore. Every time we start to become intimate, I need to stop, because all I can think about is him with another man.

--- CONFUSED AND IN LOVE

Dear Katie Kate Confused,

Dump him. I don’t think he is completely gay, but he isn’t straight enough for you. If he we merely curious why sleep with four guys? Why not just one? And I am betting that it’s been more than four, I bet four is how many he has had online records with i.e. he thinks you may already know about three or four guys so he fesses up to four.

Why did he start counseling? Does he want the counselor to make him completely straight? Counseling doesn’t make you straight any more than computers make you gay. There were bisexuals before there was Microsoft. They may have looked for sex in clubs, bath houses, and other places of ill repute but they existed before the internet.

Thinking of your boyfriend as bisexual is a huge turnoff for you. There is nothing you can do to change that fact, and there is nothing he can do to change his bisexuality (try as he might), so it’s time to move on. It isn’t fair, but that is no excuse to stay together. Some people are born ugly, stupid, or poor. It isn’t their fault but all those things can affect their dating pool. Being bisexual is no different, had you known when you first started dating you would have terminated the relationship then.