He's Just A Good Looking Rebel Who Lives By His Own Rules

This tripe came from Dear Margo

DEAR MARGO: When my daughter was 14 she met a boy who, by his own admission, belonged to a gang and had committed several crimes. She became totally enamored of him and "fell in love." I believed she was too young to have a boyfriend and forbade her to see him outside of school, where I had no control.

She is now 16, and we have moved 900 miles away. She calls him every night at 9:01 without fail. A few nights ago, she finally went to a school function. (She had been refusing to participate, saying she was not comfortable and didn't have any friends.) The event did not end until 9:30. As soon as she got out, she immediately tried to call him. He refused to answer the phone.

When she finally got ahold of him, he told her he was through with her because she was cheating on him, didn't really love him, etc. He breaks up with her over the phone or e-mail at least once a month. She cries and calls him constantly, begging him to take her back. No matter where we are or what we are doing, she leaves to call him at exactly 9:01.

We have tried counseling, but she lies, so that has not helped. She has goals for her future, such as college. I asked how this gangster fit into her plans, and she acted like she didn't understand the conflict. I told her that her attraction to "wounded birds" will only end in misery.

My daughter admits she just isn't attracted to "good guys" because they don't need her like the hurt ones do. I'm at my wits' end. I don't want her to run away to be with this jerk, but I don't want her to hate me, either. Do you have any advice for me? --- MOM

Dear Mom,

For christ’s sake he is 900 miles away! Do you really think two teenagers are going to have the attention span to pull off a long distance relationship?

The whole “wounded bird” thing, I think that is you projecting. Perhaps you like the wounded bird type (I think more devotee when I think of someone crushing on the wounded bird). I think this “gangster” is what the kids call a bad boy. Pardon me for saying so but you seem a bit suburban yourself. My guess is the “gang” this boy was in probably doubled as the year book committee.

Even if he was Fifty-cent posing as a teenager, from that distance he poses about as much threat as a boy bander (the one with the goatee is the “bad boy”). My advice for you is to lighten up. If she is going through a thing with liking “bad boys” it’s best she like them from afar, when she is a teenager, rather than having a pen pal relationship with a serial killer when she is 30.

I realize the phone calls at precisely 9:01 worry you. I suggest you give it a little time. It is hard to adjust to new surroundings at that age, the phone calls make her feel like someone is eager to hear from her. It will take her at least a year or so to build up a solid friend base. Until she does the calls are a kind of security blanket for her. It’s mean of you to try to take them away.

Sister's Sloppy Seconds

This one came from Dear Abby

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago I had an affair with a woman I met at a local benefit. I'll call her "Desiree." As luck would have it, a few years later, Desiree would become my sister-in-law.

My wife has always been jealous of her "more attractive" sister. She reminds me of that fact every time we visit. Now Desiree is having money problems, and she's threatening to tell my wife about our "history" if I don't accommodate her needs.

My marriage is already on thin ice because I ran over my wife's dog and forgot our anniversary in the same week. What should I do? -- BLACKMAILED IN BURBANK

Dear Blackmailed,

You ran over your wife’s dog and forgot your anniversary in the same week? Suffice it to say you owe your wife something special even without having banged her sister.

Don’t cave to the blackmail. If you do, it will never end. Soon enough “Desiree” will be threatening to tell if you don’t get her a fresh glass of iced tea. Eventually the truth will come out anyway, so it would be best to make it on your terms.

When you tell you wife, do it in a way that makes her come off as the good one, and her sister as the skanky one. Play it like things with Desiree ended rather quickly, for obvious reasons (no need to insert reasons try to be big about it) and you didn’t see how that should ruin the connection you felt with your wife even in the courtship period. In short say something to the effect of “it was stupid of me not to tell you sooner. I was afraid you wouldn’t take me seriously after you found out some of the losers I dated.” Best of luck.